Lesson learned...the hard way.

We all have TV shows we like to watch. Comedies, dramas, reality shows.We get to know and love the characters so well, we would know exactly what to do if they stepped into our front door and asked us to help them out with a difficult crime scene, or give them advice about their secret love. It's...well, addicting, to say the least.

I found just such a TV show not long ago. It's called Bramwell. It's a show about a female doctor in Victorian London. She opens an infirmary in the slums, and along with her father (also a doctor) and her colleague, Dr. Marsham, (who she obviously needs to marry), she treats all sorts of medical ailments. The characters are endearing and the various medical cases riveting and intriguing.

As I neared the end of the third season, things got more and more intense, setting the show up for a big bang ending in season four. I found I just had to keep on watching...and watching...and watching. I was completely sucked in. The hero and heroine both suffer their own heartbreaks, but in the last episode of season three, thanks to a perfectly enchanting proposal from the hero to the heroine, a happy ending seemed in order. I emerged from the depths of the episode beaming--no doubt my husband thought me silly for grinning like an idiot over this fictional engagement.

This afternoon I settled myself down on the couch, ready to savor every bit of the last season (only two episodes), certain all would end well. But before I was halfway through the first one, I couldn't help but burst into tears. My imagined happy ending wasn't happening at all! Instead, dear Miss Bramwell was ruining her life and proving herself unworthy of every happiness she should have had with Dr. Marsham. After enduring fifteen or so minutes of agony, I decided I had had enough. I looked up a synopsis to see if the happy ending might still be salvaged. Nope. Everything they'd been building up to for three full seasons was completely ruined. She ends up making stupid mistakes that lead to horrible consequences which make her marry a despicable man.

I had put so much time and emotion in this show that when things didn't end up right, I felt wounded. I realized how silly it all was. It was only a show, after all. But even after a few hours had passed, I still felt really bothered. I told my husband how I was feeling, and he said something that helped me understand everything: "It was a broken ending. You didn't like it because it was broken." Of course! I loved the show because it wasn't broken. Yes, bad things happened, and the characters made human mistakes. But the characters were still good, and their relationships remained whole and full of love. And the stupid producers thought it was a good idea to break it all into a million pieces!

The moral of this story is: Don't stake your happiness on the whims of TV producers who are just trying to create the most possible drama and make an extra buck. Read a book instead.

"Where'd all the good people go?

I've been changing channels, I don't see them on the TV shows..."

~Jack Johnson, Good People

Summer fun!

Hello friends! I've been thinking about a few things, jiggling them around in my brain, and trying to turn them into a coherent blog post. These are all pretty random things, so we'll see how that goes!

We celebrated our 2nd anniversary and my 21st birthday on August 18th and 21st, respectively. Noah was eight weeks old, and we decided that it would be all right to leave him with my mom while we did some fun things together. On the 18th we went to Rodizio Grill for our anniversary dinner (we used their birthday club's free meal certificate!) and walked around the Gateway Mall. As we drove out to Salt Lake for this special date, we were almost giddy with delight. It felt so strange to leave our baby behind, and so exhilarating to feel like a couple again, instead of just parents.

My favorite part of our date was when Tyler pulled out a roll of pennies so we could make wishes and throw them into the Gateway fountain (there's a long story behind that; maybe some day I'll write about it). It was just lovely!


A few days later, on the 21st, we went to see Harry Potter and to go shopping. It was the best, most satisfying movie I've seen in a long time! We were very glad to come home to our baby Noah, though. This second date was fun, but we were ready to just spend some time with Noah at home again!

. . .

Noah has started to smile and coo! Each grin is like a little ray of sunshine! I love having long, nonsensical conversations full of squeals and smiles from my baby boy! Life as a mom is getting a lot more fun!

. . .

Since becoming a SAHM I started thinking about taking an Institute class. I've been feeling a need to have that weekly spiritual boost. And, I won't lie, I've also wanted some sort of outside circle where I could still enjoy an individual identity. The words "full-time mom" can easily become synonymous with "full-time slave," if one is not careful, and so I have been on the lookout for some good, uplifting outlets that will relieve some stress (and that won't cost any money!). However, the Institute in Tooele always seemed specifically geared toward single adults, so I didn't let this desire have very much time on center stage in my brain.

I am always amazed at how well Heavenly Father knows our thoughts and desires! On Sunday, the Relief Society President read a letter from the Tooele Institute encouraging young mothers to take a daytime Institute class! Before she was done reading the letter, I knew I needed to take advantage of this opportunity. I looked online to find a class at a good time and arranged babysitting with my mom. I am lucky enough to have my best friend in town for a month before she moves to Chicago, where her husband has taken a new job, and so I invited her to come with me. We went to the first class this week, and already I know it will be a wonderful experience. It will be so nice to have a couple hours every week to enjoy discussing the gospel at the Institute! I'm so excited!

. . .

Tyler has begun his senior year at George Wythe University. I am very excited for him. This year, he is studying his favorite subject--history! We are so blessed that Tyler can go to school online. It makes it possible for him to spend a lot of time at home while still working full-time. He is amazing and smart and I love him!

. . .

I am on a mission to lose the baby weight! After losing over half of what I gained in the first three weeks after giving birth, I am left with about 25 pounds I'd like to lose. In thinking about this task, I have come to a conclusion: We are probably going to want another baby in about a year or so. I don't feel like I handled my health during this last pregnancy very well, so if I'm going to be happy with being pregnant again soon, I need to get my act together and prepare my body for another 9-month ordeal. I want to enjoy this body that God has given me, whether I'm pregnant, postpartum, or just normal. Once I realized this, I convinced my husband to get me a gym membership, and I started watching what I eat much more carefully.

I've been working on this for almost a month now, and I'm happy to report I've lost about five pounds. It's been interesting, this whole losing weight thing. I've never really tried to lose weight before. I've never been concerned with how many calories I eat in a day. I was really prone to emotional eating, and eating when I was bored, and eating just because there was something yummy sitting on my Mom's counter (after all, who knows when I'll get to eat another chocolate chip cookie?) But now I feel much more in control, and it's working! :)

Well, that's all I have on my mind today! Thanks for reading!

Superwoman!

I stumbled across this blog today. I decided I want to be like her when I grow up. She's everything I want to be--a wonderful mom who homeschools her kids with excitement and joy, a loving wife who makes a sweet post about her husband every anniversary, a homemaker who fills her house with the beautiful creations of her hands....ah! Everything on her blog just gladdens my heart! Check out her blog and be inspired!

http://www.seedpodcraft.com/blog

Shhh, the baby's sleeping! (Part 1)

I've been implementing the methods described in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for 9 days now, keeping a detailed sleep journal and graph along the way. I'm happy to report that we have had many successes!

The biggest change has occurred in the way I parent. I feel much more like an intentional parent now, if that makes any sense. I do more things on purpose, because I know that is what my baby needs. Before, I felt I had little or nothing to do with these needs, apart from simply fulfilling them. Then, I would go back to paying attention to my own needs and wants. That was about it. I felt a little bit separated from him. If I needed or wanted to go somewhere, I would go, taking him along without a second thought. We went to the store, to the doctor's, to Grandma's, to the zoo; as long as I had a way to feed him, change him, and keep him safe, I was willing to take him anywhere. To my knowledge, it wouldn't affect him in a negative way. If he was grumpy or unusually sleepy after our outing, I did not connect it with any influence other than his own temperament.

I don't mean to say that I felt no love for my child, or that a bond was lacking. I only mean to show that this book has changed the way I think about my child's needs a great deal. After reading Dr. Weissbluth's book, I felt much more bound to him. I realized that my actions and activities do affect his needs more than I thought. Not that I feel curtailed by his needs in any way now; it only makes me consider an activity in the light of how it will affect him. Now that I have learned just how important sleep is, and how grumpy and unhappy my child will get if he becomes overtired from a missed nap, I am much more dedicated to helping him get the sleep he needs--even if that means missing a trip to Grandma's once in a while! This has helped me feel even more connected to my son.

This last week, I've focused on simply helping him go to sleep after one to two hours of wakefulness. This involves watching for his signs of drowsiness, spending a period of time soothing him, and then putting him down by himself for a nap. When I began this, I thought that there was no way he would be ready for naps after only being awake for one hour. To my surprise, he responded wonderfully. Usually there were one or two naps when he protested being put down, but a little extra soothing usually sent him off with no problems. I also discovered that swaddling him tightly and giving him his binkie soothed him the best.

I fell into a bit of a trap, though, as far as soothing was concerned. I decided that our little routine would include swaddling, having him suck on his binkie, and rocking him while singing lullabies for a few minutes. Then, when he became very drowsy, I would gently put him in his crib. Dr. Weissbluth didn't give specific instructions when it came to protest crying at his age, however. He says that the parent can decide to let them fuss for five, ten, or even twenty minutes, or that they can decide not to let them fuss at all--that they can go to soothe their child and try again later. He only hints at a suggestion when he says: "...Remember, if your baby cries hard for three minutes, quietly for three minutes, and sleeps for an hour, he would have lost that good hour-long nap if you had not left him alone for six minutes." Keeping this in mind, I at first decided that if Noah decided to fuss, I would let him go on for five to ten minutes before going in to soothe him. I stuck to this for about two days. On the third day, when I went in to soothe him, I inadvertently stuck his binkie back in his mouth, and he immediately quieted. Within a minute, he was soundly asleep.

From then on, I associated most of his protest crying with the fact that his binkie had fallen out of his mouth. As long as that binkie was in his mouth, he would soon go to sleep, I thought. As it worked for the next couple of days, I continued to do it without any worries. As soon as I heard him fussing, I would rush in to his room to put the binkie back in his mouth. If it didn't work, I would then pick him up for more soothing instead of leaving him alone. I'd completely forgotten about how I wanted him to learn self-soothing skills in my eagerness to get him to fall asleep quickly.

Here's what my sleep log journal looked like by days 7 and 8:

By 9:20 am he was crying, wanting to be swaddled up with his binkie and go to sleep. I obliged, and held him and hummed until he got really sleepy, then put him in his crib (first time I’ve put him there for a nap!). I rushed off to blow dry my hair, hoping that he wouldn’t wake up. But when my five minutes of styling was over, he was crying; the binkie had popped out of his mouth. I put it back in, rested my hand on his tummy and hummed some more, which sent him right back to the land of Nod.

10:10 Cork fell out again. He cried again. I put it back in and tried to soothe him…again.

10:15 And again. He seems to have trouble with this midmorning nap.

10:25 And again! This time I thought I would try nursing him. He nursed and then I put him back to sleep at 10:40. I hope he gets the message this time!

11:00 *sigh* Someday we’ll get this down!

As you can see, I was getting a little tired of this pacifier game. The next day, I reread the section pertaining to infants Noah's age, and remembered what Dr. Weissbluth said about letting them fuss for a little bit. I remembered how much I want Noah to learn self-soothing skills, and I realized that if Noah's binkie happens to fall out of his mouth, I don't have to rush in to replace it, just so he'll go to sleep. This has given me immense relief!

So, keeping that in mind, this week I am going to focus on one thing: helping Noah develop self-soothing skills by letting him cry between 10-20 minutes before going in to soothe him. We'll see how this works!

Something a little more practical

I am well aware that most--make that all--of my posts to date have been a little sentimental in nature. I quite enjoy sentiment and nostalgia. It gives life a little bit of a shine. But here is a new topic that does not involve much of that. Those with children will understand immediately. It's a little piece of life called Getting Baby to Sleep.

A sleeping babe has evoked many sweet poems, songs, paintings, and sighs from countless souls. Who can help envying the peace that rests upon a slumbering baby's brow? But getting them to that angelic state--ah, there's the rub. There's the source of many nighttime battles and tears from both babies and parents.

That said, Noah is a pretty good sleeper. He often sleeps for a stretch of four or five hours during the night, and then he only wakes up to eat. Getting him to sleep again is rarely a problem. He also takes a nice long nap in the middle of the day. When I hear about babies who decide to wake up and play (or maybe just cry) at 2 am, or newborns who keep their poor parents up all night before falling into an exhausted sleep at 6 in the morning, I can't really say I feel your pain. So when I finally picked up a book on sleep habits that a good friend recommended, I didn't think Noah and I had much to work on. As I read through this book, however, I learned that there is more to baby sleep habits than just letting them fall asleep naturally.

The book is called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. There are many points in his philosophy of sleep that would take a long time to discuss here, so I'll just talk about the points that pertain to Noah.

He takes care in explaining the nature and importance of sleep, and what happens when it is lacking. We all know that babies become fussy and cranky when they are tired. But what I didn't know is that babies, especially young infants like my son, start to get tired only within one or two hours after waking up. This was the first lightbulb that clicked on for me. Noah starts off his mornings in a fairly good mood and becomes progressively crankier and demanding. I usually respond with holding him and giving him attention, thinking that he just wants his mamma. This continues until I can obviously tell that he is tired. This is generally around 11:30 or 12:00. It is usually fairly hard to get him to sleep at this point--though once he does, he'll sleep until mid to late afternoon. When I read HSHHC, I realized that this cranky attitude stemmed from his need to sleep; not, as I thought at first, the need for attention.

I also learned that "motion sleep" does not equal "healthy sleep." Dr. Weissbluth uses the example of falling asleep on a plane or in the car. Would we, as adults, call that really restorative sleep? Of course not. It is not different for children. Putting a baby in the car seat and letting him sleep there while you cart it around running errands does not give him a healthy, restorative nap (notice how they always wake up cranky and bleary when you finally get them out). While he recommends motion as a soothing technique to help a baby get to sleep, he says the motion should stop as soon as they are sleeping.

If you're like me, then your first reaction to this information is, "How am I supposed to take him anywhere?" It takes a lot of commitment--and a lot of time staying at home--in order to ensure your baby is napping peacefully a mere two hours after awakening. Fathers and mothers who spend most of their days working out of the home might also object because they want to spend more time with their little ones--and very understandably so.

Dr. Weissbluth's answer to these concerns is this: "If your baby is hungry, feed him. If your baby is fussy, soothe him. If your baby is tired, put him to sleep. " We would not withhold food from our child, so why would we withhold sleep?

He also says, "Please don't think that it has no lasting effect when you routinely keep your child up too late--for your own pleasure after work or because you want to avoid bedtime confrontations--or when you cut corners on naps in order to run errands or visit friends. Once in a while, for a special occasion or reason, it's okay. But day-in, day-out sleep deprivation at night or for naps, as a matter of habit, could be very damaging to your child. Cumulative, chronic sleep losses, even of brief duration, may be harmful for learning."

Noah, at six weeks, has reached what many books and articles call the "peak" of his fussiness. I have noticed an increase in his fussiness, especially during the late mornings and evenings. I also knew that a great deal of it was due to being tired. But until I read this book, I didn't know that structuring sleep, even at this young age, was possible or even healthy. So, the following posts I make will give a few details about our implementation of Dr. Weissbluth's methods. I hope it works!

Here's to a happy, well-rested baby!

Things I can't wait for

In two days I will be officially 40 weeks pregnant. The wait for our little baby to come seems so endless! I find myself thinking sentimental thoughts like these:

"The next time I blow dry my hair I might be getting ready to come home from the hospital."
"I wonder if I'll get to sleep through the night again."
"The next time I see this person, they'll probably be visiting us in the hospital."

Needless to say, it's been very hard to be patient.

Last week felt like it should have been divided over two or three--we have been so busy getting everything ready for our baby! On Monday the crib arrived. On Monday night and Tuesday morning we painted the dresser and set up the crib. I spent a good deal of Wednesday folding his clothes and putting them in his dresser, and on Wednesday night we went shopping for a lot of last minute items. On Thursday, I got into a bit of a crafting spree and began making several decorations for his room. I didn't finish until Friday, and they all turned out perfectly (though I'm not biased). Pictures will soon follow, I assure you.

With that side of baby business is over, it feels like he should be here already. Tyler and I have made a beautiful space in our home and hearts for Noah to come, and until he comes, it feels like something is missing. While we've been crossing our fingers and waiting, I've had a bit of time to think about what it will be like with him here. I can't wait for some of these imaginings to become reality:

Holding our baby and watching him see the world for the first time
Feeling his fingers wrapped around my hand
Putting him in the car to take him home
Spending the first night with him in our house--waking up every three hours and all
Seeing my husband hold him and love him
Knowing just how to soothe his cries
Putting baby lotion on him--I love the smell of baby lotion...

And yes, there are some more selfish things I can't wait for as well:
Being able to fit in more than just my five maternity shirts
Turning over in my sleep without the great fuss of adjusting pillows, heaving my watermelon-belly over, and wincing as my hips pop and rub against each other
No more Prilosec
Going for a shopping trip without becoming exhausted after the first store
Going out in public without the eternal stream of "You look like you're about to pop!" comments.

There's one more thing that I can't express in a simple sentence. I have a few friends who had babies in the last year, and every Sunday I had opportunities to sit with them in church and watch their babies play. For awhile I was entranced just by the infants--their movements, the way they looked at me, their smiles and their joy. Over time, though, I found the pure relationship between my friends and their babies even more fascinating. I began to notice the way they would glance back and forth between their mothers and their toys, as if wanting to know what Mother thought of their activities. I saw them set forth on their own to chase a ball or to explore a stranger's purse, only to return speedily to give their mom a wide grin and wait for her reaction. And every time my friends picked up their babies, they knew just how to hold them, how to tickle and tease them, how to coax expressions of the purest joy onto their faces. No matter how often I held their babies, I could never make such happiness come. I've learned that it is something that only comes with being a parent to your own child. And that made me want to be the Mommy more than anything else.

Pics of the nursery coming soon....hopefully along with pictures of the little prince himself!

Cast down your nets

Sometimes you find things that seem like they had been written just for you. I found one of those gems in last month's Ensign. It is titled, "The Savior's Compassion." The witness that I received from this article was so strong, I knew I needed to put it down in writing.

The article begins with Jesus teaching the multitude, which was so great that he needed to stand in Peter's boat a few yards offshore so the people could all hear and see.

"As the crowd drifts away, Jesus elevates His request...We read His instruction to Peter: "Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught." Peter's response to Jesus's directive betrays surprise: "we have toiled all the night and have taken nothing." In a word, the fishing had been awful. But Peter seems to have learned that this man from Nazareth is one to be obeyed. So he continues, "nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net."

"Now comes the astonishing moment for Peter and Andrew..."when they had this done, they inclosed a great multitude of fishes." How big is the catch? The large net...begins to break. In desperation, Peter yells to James and John to come and assist...In the end, after a lot of work, the fishermen heave the catch of fish into the two boats, almost sinking them...

"The question naturally arises, is the miracle simply an amazing demonstration of Jesus's enormous powers over the world of nature, or does the catch of fish carry an additional purpose? this question, in my view, brings us face to face with Jesus's deep compassion and concern for the families of the fishermen. And it is answered by deducing the answer to another question: what do they do with all that fish?

"...With this huge catch of fish preserved by salting, the families of the fishermen would have enough food to eat for months on end, as well as enough to bring to the marketplace in Capernaum...

"As He calls peter, Andrew, James, and John, Jesus is calling the breadwinners away from their families, who will struggle for food and income without these men...It is not hard to imagine Him compassionately doing more for these men and their families than meets the eye, as He so often does in our lives. In one stunning, momentous miracle witnessed by men whom Jesus will soon call into the apostleship, the needs of these families are met."

There are tremendous challenges facing all sides of our extended and immediate family right now. There are many, many days when I feel what Peter might have felt when Jesus asked him to try again for fish--tired, frustrated and hopeless after a long night's fruitless work. Yet Peter cast in his net again out of pure faith. The reward was immediate and amazing. More importantly, it was exactly what he needed to be able to continue following Christ.

Reading this new perspective on Jesus's miracle renewed my faith to cast in my net again and continue waiting for the things that Tyler and I need. It reminded me that Heavenly Father will not always bless us with what we want, when we want it, but He will always give us what we need when we genuinely need it, if we act in faith upon his words.

My faith still needs further strengthening--very often I still feel that frustration and hopelessness. Sometimes I become so tired that I want to give up. But the Lord has always resupplied the strength I need to keep exerting my faith, often in the form of my wonderful husband. His endless supply of optimism and courage is a true blessing to our little family!

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom, lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on.
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I
Have loved long since, and lost awhile!

~John Henry Newman